My life
by yuki-nakayama-hidaka
Summary: This is based on some happenings in Moon Child, and my take on the thoughts of the characters of Sho and Kei. ShoxKei Angst, FINALLY finished!
1. You don't drink blood these days

Hi all!

This is a new story of mine based on some happenings in Moon Child, and my take on the thoughts of the characters ofSho and Kei.

This will be a **6 part** story, this being part 1. I hope you enjoy! It does/will contain shounen-ai, and yaoi in later chapters. May write my first ever lemon later too... But we'll see.

Enjoy!

**Kei:**

It's the day after we went to see Yi-Che's painting at the park, and I'm sitting on my red seat. I suppose nothing out of the ordinary...but something just seems... I don't know... weird... Last night would have been a normal, unimportant night for me... One more night in my endless existence... except last night I noticed the growing tension between you and me... I don't know if the tension is more on my part than yours... but all I know is that it's there - and getting worse...

I found, that for me it started long ago... When I started feeling things for you Sho, that I knew I shouldn't... After all, I am a vampire, while I live on, you will eventually die... I close my eyes. It's a thought I don't like lingering on... I've watched you grow since you was a mere child... I held you when you cried... watched over you through the nights... and taught you how to fight... I've put so much into you... I've grown attached... and over the years... I've grown to love you... more than I should... And now, more recently... I've watched the looks between you and Yi-Che... And it tares me apart... Not that I'll ever show it of course... It's not in my character.

I open my eyes and look blankly ahead. I know you're standing by the window to the side of me, where the partition between our room is... The curtains, as usual are shut since its daylight outside. "How is it?" I ask weakly. I hear you move slightly and open the curtains a bit to look out. Even from where I'm sitting I can tell that it's lovely weather. The brightness that fills parts of the room hurts my eyes a little, compared to the comfort of the once darkened room. "Lovely weather..." You reply after a moments look outside. I can hear the slight disappointment in your voice followed by the slight shuffle of your steps as you move to lean against the wall opposite the window. You wanted me to go to Yi-Che's big day with you... but obviously, I won't be if it's nice outside.

I downcast my eyes as I breathe a few sighs. I feel very tiered recently. "Really." I reply looking up. "Perfect for Yi-Che's big day." I announce. With that I take a long blink, gathering some strength before heaving myself out of the chair, shoving my hands in my pockets, and heading past you, into the other room where my lounge-bed is. I suffle to the far wall and look into the room where I just was, through the silver bars, which act like a piece of art as well as a partition. I can hear that you've moved from your position against the wall to sit on the seat near the silver bars.

"Kei..." You start softly. I know instantly you're going to say something I'm probably not going to like. "Unm..." Is all I offer to show I heard. "You don't drink blood these days..." The way you softly says those words makes me want to be sick. Of course I don't. I don't like what I am or what I do. I live by feeding on the blood of those who live. It's selfish and sickening... You don't understand - yet you keep asking me these questions! You can bearly stomache me doing it anymore. The first time you saw me do it, when you were so young, was the first and last time. I swore it would be. But still, there are times I forget, and come home drunkenly with blood on my clothes and mouth. It's not the first time you've had to clean me up. And I never forgot your face when you were doing it Sho.

"Its none of your business." I brush it off, with an 'I don't want to talk about it' undertone in my voice. But you, being the stubborn person, I know and love, won't let it rest. Stubourn ass. "But you're so weak..." I whirl around to face you through the bars, and cut you off sharply before you can say more. "Should I drink yours?" You don't even look at me. I feel dizzy and my knees are weak from that small spin, so I quickly flop down to sit on the edge of my bed. Despite the feelings within me I continue looking at you steadily, trying to stay composed. I can feel how weak I am. I'm sweating from the small amount of effort I put into just moving around the flat we share. But you don't need to know just how bad I am... although I have a feeling you can tell.

I take my hands out of my pockets and place them flat on the bed to steady myself. I shouldn't have snapped... but... I close my eyes while I take a breath to clear my spinning head, before leaning forward, placing one elbow on my knee and lifting my hand to my mouth as I go off in thought. "I live by draining the lives of others." I say matter of factly, with self loathing evident in my soft, weak voice. "You know what that's like?" I ask, my eyebrows slightly raised. "That's my entire life." I close my eyes for a second before continuing softly. "Sometimes I can't bear it." I flinch as I think about all the people I've had to kill to live. I can see each face, of every person I drained, clear in my mind. And there is never a day that goes by that I don't think about them in some way. It makes me want to cry - and I have to swallow hard in case my voice breaks. I haven't cried over it yet, and I don't intend to start.

I bite the side of my thumb. "So I go without." I gaze in front of me, blind in thought, as I have been so often lately. "A starvation diet." I gesture with the hand I was biting lightly. I stop for a minute and lean back on my hands. I feel so light headed I have to keep blinking slowly to concentrate fully. Im so tiered... I sigh. "Now Im having fun with all of you..." You most of all Sho... I close my eyes as the pain sinks into my heart sharply. "...But it's not real." I say forcing myself to my feet and heading to hold onto the metal bars in front of me.

Im surprised, that for once, you're quite with your head tilted slightly to the side. You're listening to me... Really listening... You haven't answered back with one of your sharp remarks yet, or tried to interrupt me. I don't know whether to be worried or grateful. I steady myself with the bars. "You're all grown up." In more ways than one, and it hurts that I'm too weak to act on my feelings... I'm tierd of tip-toeing around you in the fear that one day, I'll say something like 'I love you' and scare you away... I can't look at you, and I know, you can't look at me. As usual. We tried very hard to avoid deep conversations like this while you were growing up. But now, you're old enough to face facts, and I can't pretend that I don't love you and that I won't miss you, any longer.

"I'll be left behind." I say, almost brokenly. "Sho..." I pause letting it sink into your head... and mine. "One day, you'll die. But I'll Keep living." I can hear your breathing elevate slightly. I look up into the lamp above my head before snapping at you. "Do you think that's fun?" I look right at you, rattling the bars out of anger, the fatigue I felt moments ago seemingly vanishing as I study you with wide alert eyes. You're not looking at me... So I study you. You don't seem fazed by my outburst, but what captures my attention immediately, is the single tear running down the side of your beautiful face. My heart breaks in that instant. I never meant to make you cry... But they say the truth always hurts. Love hurts... Reality sucks...

I watch you shake your head slightly, silently. I hate myself now more than I did before, I really do. I take a breath and close my eyes. If you only knew how much you really mean to me... How much I love you... and care for you... Things could be so much more simpler... The only reason why I live is for you Sho... the only reason I eat... breath... go out and not throw myself into the path of sunlight and die... is for you... After a few seconds I push away from the bars and go back into the other room to stand in front of you. You don't look at me as I approach, nor as I slowly, lovingly, reach out a gentle hand to wipe away the tear with my thumb, resting my fingers against your cheek while I do. "You cry baby..." I say, not chastizingly, but affectionately. You've never cried over nothing, so I know what I said hurt. Maybe I mean something to you after all...?

You swallow and blink, not pulling away, but not leaning into my hand either. I study your face intently, before reaching for your shoulder, with the hand I had on your face. No further encouragement is needed, as you automatically lean your head on my chest and begin to cry softly and silently. I gently stroke your hair with my other hand, and lean down placing a single soft kiss on your bleached blonde locks. I can't help but whisper fondly, "Just like when you were a kid." I loved those times with you, where I could hold you freely and comfort you when you had problems or were scared. In a way I miss them, although I wouldn't wish to go back. I love my time with you now, just as equally. I stroke your soft hair some more holding you close, before gently taking your shoulders and pushing you back upright. "So..." I say in a single hushed breath. You lean back, head against the wall, blinking back the remaining tears, yet still you avoid looking at me. In a way it hurts, but I understand. "Go have a good time. They'll be worried." I change the subject to one which is just as painful for me. "Ah" is all you say.

**Sho:**

As soon as I said those words to you, I knew how you would react... I couldnt stop myself - I was worried... Things between me and you seem a little more strained than usual recently... All I can think about is you and your well being... I know it's stupid. You're a vampire after all. You can't be killed by normal things that would kill me... the only think I know of to kill Vampires is the sun... Yet.. hearing the words from you directly now... the harshness of our reality, still hurts. When you said 'Should I drink yours?' I almost said yes – Make me like you, so I can be with you forever... but I didn't... Of course not.. Firstly you would most likely rage at me more about how I wasnt listening to you, and then... What would you think if you knew just how much I cared... I mean- really cared... You would either blow up about me asking you to turn me, and or leave me for confessing my feelings.

Anyway... It was a nice feeling, resting my head against your chest. One I've always enjoyed while growing up... So soothing... I always enjoyed the close contact of our bodies... and I used to wonder if you ever noticed when I huged you too long, or when I would just make up an excuse to touch you... or get you to hold me... I never had as many nightmares as I led you to believe Kei... I just wanted you to hold me... even now... Yet still... I couldn't look at you as you gently pushed me back against the wall. I could still feel your lingering touches on my face and head, light tingles, even though your hand was on my sholder again. "Go have a good time. They'll be worried." you said with a hint of sadness. I picked up on it, but I didnt question it. We've had enough arguments for the day, dont you think?

"Ah" I reply quietly. You begin backing away from me, and I stand up. "Kei..." I start and you turn weary eyes on me. For the first time in ages I look you in the eyes. I can see the emotions in them. I know you're tiered since you're not hiding them as well as you usually do. I feel my heart quicken. I can see the sadness, the loneliness, the pain... and love. You've always been my protector... friend and family Kei... But sometimes, I want more. I want to do more. I want to protect you... be your friend... your family... and anything else you would let me be. But you see... I dont know exactly where I stand... we never talk about it - we just... exist together... Mutual understanding... I would say we were friends if asked. I'd even say family. How do you feel about it?

I take a small breath and reach out, pulling your smaller thin frame against mine. I wrap my arms around your waist, resting my head against your shoulder. I remember looking up at you when I was kneehigh to a grasshopper... I remember you carrying me occasionally... and when we hugged, I would hide my face in your chest...I lcose my eyes almost painfully. But I dont remember when thoes days faded away. At first you tense. We have not hugged for so long. And truthfully, I miss it dearly. You relax and wrap your own arms around my shoulders, resting your head more comfortably against them. "Sho..." you whisper, and your warm breath caresses the side of my face. "I care..." Is all that I allow myself to say. I feel you pull away slightly to look at me, so I open my eyes to look back. This time, I hide nothing as I look into your eyes. I hope my eyes tell you how much I care, for I dont have the courage to tell you just yet... You take a moment to look deep into my eyes, soon he finding whatever it is you were looking for because you slowly smile one of thoes rare smiles that I know is saved only for me. "I know..." you say simply. And thats all I need to hear at this moment.

I can't help but smile warmly, another tear running down my cheek. I feel childish whenever I cry in front of you Kei - but I know its ok... even when you make comments about me being a crybaby, or something along thoes lines. I feel so happy and overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings, more so when you kiss a tear away with warms lips. "It's ok Sho..." I feel at shocked, but strangely at ease. I know you means it when you say words like that... but what does the kiss mean. I'll take a chance. I smile, mustering up the courage to do something I've wanted to do for so long. I kiss you. Well, more of a peck on the lips, but it's a start. My heart is pounding furiously in my chest, and I know I must be blushing because I feel hot. You smile your charming crooked little smile, eyes studying me intently. I smile too, although my heart feels like it's escaping from my chest out of my throat. "You better go..." you say reluctantly. For a minute I forget what you're referring to. "Oh..." I say in realization. We slowly let go of each other, and you watch me as I gather my things to leave. As I stand by the door ready, I see you smile a knowing smile. "What?" I ask. "It's going to rain later." "So I'll see you there?" "Of course." I smile at him, like an excited little child I presume, before heading out. I can hear his soft laughter through the door.

Tbc.

AN: Well that's the end of this chappie! I hope you liked - please review! Flame if you must - but be gentle!

I have written up to part 5 actually, but I have to keep re-writing them so it may take a few days or a week or 2 for things to appear!

Anyway - see you all in the next chapter!


	2. Saving, Gone

**AN:** Hi! Im really sorry for not updating sooner! I've been really busy with University and going abroad to Japan for a year - so I haven't had time to re-write and post! But I got some spare time today and did this! Hope you all like!

**My life part 2:** **Saving, Gone**

**Kei:**

It's raining when I finally leave the flat. I know Im running a little late, so I try and walk as fast as I can. I conceal a yawn as I breathe deeply. All I want to do is sleep... I feel so tired. I would have taken a nap when you left, but all I could think about is the kiss you gave me... I wasn't expecting it... even though I kind of kissed you first... It really shocked me because I thought I was dreaming... I question myself a lot recently... and all the meanings of the things between you and me... I analyse everything now just about... and it always makes me wonder more. Does it mean you like me? Was it just a comfort thing? Was it just gratitude? I think, now I've thought about it just a bit longer, we'll have to sit and talk when we go back to the flat... if you don't stay with Son and Yi-Che that is... I can't help but scowl and quicken my pace. I don't want to leave you unguarded longer than I have too. What am I thinking? Am I thinking? You're a grown man - A killer too. You can defend yourself.. But from women...? From Yi-Che...? I don't know - I don't want to take the chance either... Just in case I have a chance with you first.

It takes a while to get to the park, but I don't really notice as Im too deep in thought. However, what greets me when I get there is not something I was expecting and soon alerts me to danger. I hear shouting from near the mural, so I walk quickly, silently to a small opening near some trees. From here, I can see 2 men pointing guns at You, Son and Yi-che. I scan for Toshi, and I see he is knelt helpless, by the looks of it, between the two men, his hands bound. The men are talking more quietly than before, and I try to hear what is being said, but I can't quite pick it up until Toshi shouts, "You're the ones pushing your luck." When will he learn to keep his mouth shut? Even when he was young, that mouth of his was always getting him into trouble... but then again, that mouth of his was a good laugh most times, and lightened our moods on many occasions. One of the men wearing a long olive green trench coat turns his gun on Toshi, "Fuck you." he spits.

I spring into action - I can't let Toshi get killed. I know it would kill you if something were to happen to him. He's been your lifetime friend after all. He's part of your family. I quickly jump with all the strength I can muster from my hiding place, to land with force on the shoulders of the guy threatening Toshi. I forcefully kick him backwards to the ground as I use him to leap over so I land between him and Toshi. Unfortunately, my legs are too weak to stand the impact of my landing, so I soon find myself falling to the ground, and moving into a roll as soon as my body impacts. I try and push myself up quickly once I've stopped; I have to be prepared to fight even though my body is telling me I'm too weak and I need to feed. I can sense you and the others are motionless as the other man in a brown short coat turns to me crying "You bastard." Yes, well I know I am, so name calling really won't be that hurtful now will it?

He aims his gun at me. I roll onto my back, still trying to get up but my legs keep failing me. Blast it, maybe you were right... I should have eaten sooner, even though I didn't want too... I see Toshi get up from his knelt position as he dives to stand in front of me. What is he doing? I want to laugh when I see what he is doing. Toshi shouts "Bang, bang, bang" as he makes a gun shape with his bound hands. I want to tell him not to be stupid - I can't die from mere bullets... They sting… well hurt like hell… but I won't die… but he doesn't know that though... I haven't told him. I should have... though...

The other man is confused for a mere moment by Toshi's display. I'm still trying to heave my body up from the sodden ground to fight, to defend, but I'm too late... I flinch as the man pulls the trigger, shooting Toshi. Toshi lingers tall, standing still protectively in front of me, before the effort becomes too much and he falls to the ground. My heart clenches as I hear you cry Toshi's name at the top of your lungs. I look slowly at Toshi's fallen body, and the rage I feel takes be my storm, giving me the strength to stand. Toshi may have been a bumbling idiot, a pain in the ass, but still... I considered him my friend. A reluctant friend but my friend non-the-less... who stupidly tried to defend me, when he himself had no way of defending himself... I frown with determination. Fool, you've sealed your fate.

The man that shot Toshi lingers over me as I stand almost drunkenly. My nostrils are flaring, my senses going into overdrive as the smell of blood strengthens my initial hunger. He grins at me and aims his gun at my chest. Much good that will do him. As soon as he pulls the trigger, I jump. His friend, whom has just decided to get up of the ground is my first target. I land in front of him and grab his arm, turning it and twisting him around to use him as a shield. The man shooting at me realizes and stops. But its too late for his friend as I let my Olive coated shield drop lifeless to the floor. The man in the brown coat drops his gun to his side and groans in anguish, lifting his head up to the sky. I laugh sadistically in my head. He doesn't know who he's dealing with.

I've turned, so I now have my back to him, and all that I can smell and sense is my world is blood. I lick my lips, I can almost taste it... Oh it's so hard to think about anything else right now... The hunger I have ignored for so long is over riding my thoughts... I must eat... So hungry... I close my eyes and my head goes side to side as I try and clear my head. I have to concentrate at the task at hand. Revenge. And anyway, I can't feed in front of Yi-che and Son, so I run off to the side where I know there is a clearing surrounded by trees. And as I knew he would, the brown coated man follows me, gun in hand, shooting wildly. I grin triumphantly. I like working up an appetite before I feed. And it's more interesting when the prey thinks he is the hunter. Oh how wrong he is. As soon as we reach the clearing I stop dead, the man right behind me. He's out of bullets and is reaching for his other gun when I turn on him. "Bye bye." I grin. He cries out as I jump and sink my teeth into his neck, drinking his blood happily as he tries to shout, trying to push me away. I hold on to him tighter, slowly lowering his weakening body and my own to the ground. It's more comfortable this way for me. Beneath me, the man is twitching, still trying in vein to get away.

He makes a strangled noise, blood gurgling in his mouth. I ignore him though, but I can't fight the upset knowing that some blood is being wasted, flowing a bit from his mouth. Mmmm... His blood is like honey... and it sickens me. But I can't stop. He deserves death... but then... so do I... right? I sink my fangs in deeper, trying not to think, which isn't too hard as I always fall into a drunken like stupor during and after feeding. I snort a little as I hear a gasp from the side of me. Im too hungry to care at this particular moment. My prey beneath me has finally stopped struggling as much as he was just a moment ago, much to my amusement and slight disappointment. His body is becoming weaker and cooler beneath mine, and it's almost like a high. I want more…

Through the haze of my feed I can sense someone else's arrival. I think, in my blood induced drunkenness, it might be you Sho. I hear a slight squeak soon after. That's probably Yi-Che who must have followed you, so I slowly stop and give you all a glance. I know I must look crazed right now, and I suppose I am, but I don't care. My hunger calls me back soon enough, and I go back to drinking the dying mans blood. I hear you speak quietly, but firmly, asking me to stop. I don't. This man doesn't deserve me to stop until all his blood is gone. "Please stop." you asks me again. I continue. "Kei stop!" you cry. Don't you understand Sho? I can't! I want to, but my lust for blood won't let me. My hunger...

"Toshi's dead!" you cry. Now my mind is fogging over as the euphoric high from the blood fully kicks in. Your words are like those in a dream - Distant and unclear. "Stop it... please..." Your voice is weak and pleading. "Please... stop..." I think you've given up, or I just can't hear you anymore. I continue drinking until the man beneath me has no more to give. And once I've finished, I sit back and wipe my mouth, breathing deeply. That's better. I've quenched the weakening hunger within me, and I can feel my strength returning to my body slowly, along with my sense of reality. My eyes shoot open wide as I replay what had happened just moments ago. Sho... I run my hand through my hair, my heart speeding up. How can he trust me now... I couldn't stop myself... what if... what if it was him... I feel disgusted with myself again, and I, for the first time in so long, feel scared. Of what I was, and of what I could do. So I do the only thing I can think of. I stand up and run. I don't know where I'm going, but I know I can't return to you... Not now... So I let my feet carry me away from my fears and insecurities, and away from the hopes and dreams I once had with you. "Im sorry Sho..."

**Sho:**

I trudge home alone, the rain not only continuing to drench my clothes, but also drown my heart in its coldness. I couldn't explain to Son or Yi-che what Kei was when they asked what happened... although... Im sure they know now... it was obvious, wasn't it? I couldn't bear all the questions they tried asking me after Kei had left - so I left too. Finally home, I open the lock to mine and Kei's flat and my heart sinks that little bit further into a growing abyss. He's not home, or else the lock would have been off... I don't know whether to be worried or not... It is Kei after all... I guess he needs time to himself... But... I wish he was here now... I wrap my arms around myself for comfort. Something I haven't done since I was a kid... My mind flies to Toshi, then as a kid, and now... in the makeshift grave I made... I start to cry again with broken sobs being reached from deep in my throat. Good thing Kei isn't here or else he would call me a cry-baby... I growl out desperately needing to break the thoughts flooding my mind. Maybe a shower - I need a shower...

First thing's first though - I need to wash my hands. I go to the sink in the kitchen to wash my hands of Toshi's blood, but as I do, I feel my heart ache more beyond belief as I watch the blood go down the drain... It's so metaphorical - It's like my life at this moment... Spiralling down into a black hole... I choke back another sob as I grab a towel drying my hands. I wipe my eyes before chucking the towel for washing and going to my room to get some clothes. My minds still whirling, like a merry-go-round but I want off it now! I've had enough craziness to last several lifetimes. I look at myself in my bedroom mirror - studying myself. I have a bad feeling - and its not going away... The thing is - I don't know why I still have it, but maybe the shower and some sleep will take it away... It's just in my mind...

While in the bathroom, I turn on the hot water and have a nice long shower... letting the hot water clean me, and attempt to sooth me... yet, it doesn't reach my heart as I drown out all my tears and sorrows under the persistent spray... I know Toshi wouldn't want me dwelling on it... But... things were starting to look up for him... He found his family... what more could we all ask for? Although, he was my family... and... I laugh sourly at this thought- he always joked... even until the end... I close my eyes and sigh, my body heated well from the shower. I turn off the spray and sigh as I step out and dry before heading towards my bedroom. Along the way I check to see if Kei had come back. "Kei?" I call. But no answer. My heart thumps a couple of times. Maybe he'll be back a little later... I go to my bed and flop on it. My mind is rushing with thoughts again, but I find despite this and constant thinking, my eyes are soon drawn closed... and sleep overtakes me.

It's been one month since I last saw Kei. One month since Toshi died, and I saw Kei drinking in the park... And I'm tearing my hair out. I think I see him everywhere! Im worried sick. My heart hurts. I'm alone. I haven't spoken to anyone... I haven't really left my apartment. I haven't really slept or eaten... I don't understand... "Why Kei...? WHY!" I cry out overturning a chair. My companion... my friend... my love... gone... leaving me to face a cruel and unforgiving world alone. Sure I understand he might have needed some time - but a month? Selfish basterd! What about me? Why do I love him so much that it hurts to breath without him! I hear a nock on the door, and I run to it as fast as I can to it without killing myself along the way. I fling the door open, hopeful as ever "Kei?"... Yet I've opened the door Only to find Son and Yi-Che looking back at me with slightly sad expressions. "You look rough..." Is how Son greets me. I don't know what to say to that. Yi-Che offers me a small smile. "Hi to you too..." I say quietly letting them in.

A few years down the line and I find I'm sitting on my black leather couch... In my new home up town... with my wife... Yi-Che... who's making dinner... and my 6 year old daughter... Hana... who's running around playing. I'm watching the news on T.V, and something interesting catches my attention. "So far, 4 bodies have been recovered, with the cause of death of all 4 victims being from blood loss due to a large gash on the neck." I frown at the T.V and Yi-Che comes to my side to see what I'm watching. She places a hand on my shoulder before she sits by me, watching me as I watch and listen to the news report continue.

"Although the identity and possible motive remain undisclosed, the man, known only as 'The present day Vampire' has made several 'death sentence' pleas." I swallow the lump in my throat as a picture of Kei appears on the screen. Old, but still strong emotions welling up inside me again. I'm so relived to know he is alive, and my heart beats strongly in my chest. I still remember the first time we kissed... "The police have been unable to obtain any personal information concerning the suspect, and the case is now being handled through the international police mechanism."

I was close to hysterics, and Yi-Che looked shocked at the T.V. Without a word, I hastily stood and went to change into a suit. He's alive - he's not dead - why didn't he come back - why didn't he call? As soon as I came out, Yi-Che was standing by the door, my black leather trench coat in hand. I offer her a small smile as I go and take it. She understands why I want to go now, so quickly. She knows Kei meant a lot to me… although she doesn't know how much…"Daddy- Daddy!" I turn to see Hana running up to me. I bend down and hug her tightly. "Where are you going?" "Im off to see an old friend..." I say simply. "Hurry home daddy!" My heart pangs painfully. I have a wonderful daughter here... and a wife who looks after me... and yet... here I go, running off to see Kei like a lovesick puppy... truth be told... I guess I am... still, after all this time...

You see Yi-Che was a rebound for me... and I suppose I was for her... She loved Kei... I knew that... She never loved me... Probably still doesn't love me... But yet we have a lovely life... home... child... everything is perfect for the both of us... except for that hole we both have... and I plan to fill it with the only person who can.

"See you soon Hana. Be good." I smile and kiss her forehead. "I will Daddy!" She chirps as I stand and kiss Yi-Che on the cheek. She rubs my back softly before I turn and hurry out of the door. Kei you better not die before I get there!


	3. You above all

**AN:** Im so sorry it's been AGES since I updated - and I KNOW that I have actually written all but the last chapter and a half of this story - its just I've been so busy with Uni and being in Japan now and all... I hope this chapter is ok! I only re-wrote a little! Enjoy!

**Part 3**

**Kei:**

When they said I had a visitor, I thought they were joking. Who would visit me? Yet still they were determined to drag me out of my cell, towards the room where people met the 'prisoners' behind a clear screen. I had my head down as they lead me in to the room with no windows... Why look at the scenery that never changes... But even so I glance up, and when I do glanced up I saw the last person I thought I was ever going to see again... Sho... I felt pain, regret, sorrow and confusion overflow me... Surprising since I've felt dead and numb inside for so long... I don't want to talk, but I reluctantly head over as I'm escorted. I don't look at Sho as I walk over, or even as I sit... I daren't... I sigh several times... I wish I was elsewhere... I wish I was dead... I wish…

"You don't look too bad..." Sho starts softly. This draws my mind back to Sho in front of me. 'You don't look bad yourself Sho...' I want to tell him. I could tell from first glance that he had grown up well in the time I've been away... And he looks good in a suit...very good... I feel my heart quicken slightly, but I know it doesnt show as I feign disinterest. I've always been good at that... Hiding... "It's been 9 years..." he tells me bringing my thoughts off myself again. I'm a little shocked at that... 9 years? Really? I guess I lost track of time... 'It wasn't important without you Sho...' I want to confess to you. "I counted on the way here..." you inform me. The way you said those words make me want to look up, you sound so pained… But I don't. I keep looking at the same spot since being brought here. "How do I look?" you ask light heartedly to lighten the tense air between us. I want to laugh like I used to with you. You're still vein aren't you Sho? You've always looked good... Did I never tell you?

I hear rustling from your direction. You're obviously looking for something in your pocket. "Look. It's my kid." Kid? I was so shocked at that change in topic I almost did look. "She's called 'Hana'. She's six." Hana? What a pretty name... I bet she's pretty like you Sho... probably as curious as you were... I hope for your sake not as mischievous… "Kei, I married Yi-Che." Im not surprised with that information though... really... I used to see the looks between the two of you Sho... even though you said...you said you... I think I'll stop that thought right there. It will only make me more upset - and I've been doing damned well over the last... few... years to forget... "She wasn't sure at first..." Yeah right - I almost scoff, but still I don't look at you. What do you take me for Sho? "I reckon it's because... she really liked you."

Now that was a shock. I hasten a quick glance at you, the shocked of that revelation clear in me eyes - but you're not looking at me, so you can't see my face, my eyes. I study you in the breif time you're not looking at me. You look so sad Sho... and it doesn't suite your beautifully matured face... Did I hurt you Sho? Do you love her that much? Are you mad at me because she liked me? Or are you mad I wasn't around for you and maybe we could have... I quickly look away... There are so many questions left hanging between us... I dont like this awkward feeling... Where was the sun when you wanted it the most... "Then you left us..." Those simple words, make you sound so small... so fragile... so much like the child you once were... You sound broken and lost... Did you really love me that much? "I kept asking. Wouldn't give up. I tired myself out..." Sho... "She wasn't happy at first, but now things are good." I want to smile for you Sho - I should smile... I guess this is what I wanted for you... but... then... why aren't I happy for you like I thought I would be?

"Look Kei." You say softly. But of course I don't. You lean forward, and place something against the glass between us. "Please look." you plead with me. Your voice in that tone alone makes me want to do anything for you... but really... Is whatever your holding that important that I see it? "It's our Kid." You say it softly, proudly, but it breaks my heart Sho. It's not our kid... it's yours and Yi-che's... "I know all Dad's are proud but... I always hoped... you'd get to see her." Sho... my heart warms with what you've just said... Even if I don't look interested… it's for your own good Sho... Or is it mine? I wish I could see your daughter... Hana... I wish I could be with you again, like old times... I wish... "You above all."

When Im alone, I think I'll cry... Even after all this time, you're the only one who can touch me so deeply... Just for you, I look at the photo you've placed on the glass. She is beautiful... looks like her mother, but has some of your looks too Sho... I study it, as you study me. I can feel your eyes taking me in, warming my cold body with just a glance. I can see you smile out of the corner of my eye, and I want to smile along with you. I decide maybe it's time I say something. "How is everyone?" I ask tiredly. You seem happy that I've spoken. The little things always pleased you Sho. "Good, my brother's got a bar." you say rather enthusiastically. "We're big shots... men about town." You add allot more sombrely as you take the picture away from the glass and place it away.

"What about Son?" I ask as I follow the picture with my eyes to your wallet. You hesitate before answering, "Son... he joined the local mafia... to be with his own people." You pause a second before adding somewhat hopefully, "But we'll work things out between us." I see... You sigh. "It was tough though." I raise my eyebrows slightly, almost enquiringly before I murmer softly, "I'm glad you're still alive." I know that didn't sound enthusiastic Sho, but believe me, I am glad... You dont know how often I worried about you all those years - worried you'd be reckless and get yourself killed... You were always reckless when I was around... so dependant on me... not that I minded... But... what if one day something... You make a sound, as if asking me to continue, which breaks my other chain of thougts - so I do, openly.

"You were reckless." I state in a matter of fact way, albeit a tired way. "I figured... you'd already be dead." I feel your eyes on me, boring into me with a look I'm not too familiar with coming from you, directed at me... "But," I continue, slowly more cautiously casting my eyes upwards to look into yours, "I'm glad you're not." You smile at me, a little, your expression still pained somewhat but no longer that unkown directed at me. I finally give you a small smile. A smile I'd been struggling not to let out the whole time you were here, and you smile that bit more, and that bit more brighter - happier. Sadly, our time is up, and Im lead away. I stop however to give you a final glance over my shoulder, our eyes meeting. At least now Sho... I can die happy knowing you're still alive... and happy... I turn away for the final time and round the corner, heading back towards my cell.

I don't know how long it had been until the day they came to let me know I had got my wish and was now moving to death row. In a way, I was relieved, yet saddened all at once. Finally I can end my monsterous life... but... I'll never see you again Sho... The reality sinks in a bit once the Chief dealing with me asks "Shall we go?" I dont think I respond, but I walk slowly by his side. I am faintly aware of the phone ringing in the background a few seconds after we pass it. The man who answers the phone calls, "Phone call for you." The Chief stops behind me and turns to go for the phone, but then decides to tell the guards to wait before they open the outer cell block doors and lead me away to my end.

He goes over to the phone, and I'm dully aware of his conversation, my sensitive hearing picking it up. "It's a friend of yours." The Chief says to me. Im surprised to be getting a call, but I can only guess it could be from you Sho. You're the only one who knows Im here... you're the only one who'd ever call me... I slowly turn, and head to the phone which he holds out for me. I slowly raise it to my ear, "Hello?" I ask, knowing. "I wanted to see you." you say. It sounds like you've been crying, and that tugs at my heart, making me worry, but I say nothing. "I missed you so much." I feel that lump again in my throat... The one where I want to cry, and tell you just how much I miss you too. Confess everything...

"A lot's happened. I can't go on alone." I can hear you holding back your sobs. I want to be there now with you Sho- I want to hold you, tell you everything will be ok, just like I used to. "I need your help. Help me. Kei..." My eyes water, listening to you talk... "I can't go on alone..." is the last thing I hear you say as the Chief asks for the phone back. My mind is wheeling, thinking of what to do. I have to get to you... "The execution is tomorrow." The Chief tells Sho, "Please pray for his soul." Then he hangs up. Im lost in thought. What's happened to you Sho... I can only imagine... and it hurts me to hear you in so much pain... I promise Sho... I wasn't there for you before... But I will be now... I promise...

Whatever the Chief says brings me out of my thoughts, and he leads me away again to my new place of temporary holding. Everything is a blur, as all I can think of is you Sho...

**Sho:**

I had just gone to get candyfloss for Hana, who was skipping near her mothers murial she had painted what seems like such a long time ago, and as I turn back around to go give it to her I see him... Kei... Crouching in front of her, watching her skip. He notices I'm watching him, so he stands, placing his hands in his pockets. A typical Kei stance with so many meanings behind it. Im still shocked seeing him though... He is supposed to be dead... yet he's here... in front of me... when I need him the most. In front of me... there... within reach... He does our greeting, and farewell sign, with an almost sorrowful yet hopeful look about him. I can tell he's nervous, because he's bouncing on his toes. Something he does when he wants to runaway... but still he stands there waiting for me...

He smiles a bit more and licks his lips... The reality of the situation kicks in and I smile too at long last - although Im torn between the desire to cry, smile and yell at him. I walk over and hand Hana her cotton candy, which she takes joyfully dropping her ropes in an instant which I pick bend down to pick up. "Sho..." you start, but I stop you there by pulling you into an embrace once Im standing again. I hug you tight; I'd missed you so much. You're shocked, but you slowly hug me back. "Thank you for coming..." I whisper. Your only reply is to hug me that bit tighter. "Daddy, Im tierd!" I let you go as Hana begins pulling at my trouser leg. I smile stepping back form you so I can pick her up. "Then its time I take you to bed." I tell her softly.

She yawns sweetly and closes her eyes, leaning her head on my shoulder. I look over to you and you're smiling at us. I would give anything to know what you're thinking as I see your eyes glistening with the lights of the park's lamps. Instead of voicing my thought I beckon you. "Come…" Motioning a little I begin to walk. You fall to walk by my side in silence and in perfect step - just as it always has been. The silence between us is not an awkward silence like I thought it would have been... and Im relieved a little that its not... although... we still have a lot to talk about. There's alot between us left unsaid - but Im sure we'll get to that in the rught place and time. Here in the middle of the park is deffinatly not one of them. I take you and Hana back home so I can put Hana to bed. Upon opening the door of my home and stepping in, I whisper for you to make yourself at home. I see you move inside and close the door, and that's where you're still standing after I've put Hana to bed.

"Nice place..." you say hesitently. I smile a little and nod. It is much better than what we used to live in, isn't it Kei? "So..." I start. I think you know what I'm going to ask because you start bouncing a bit, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. "Why did you leave me Kei?" I know I sound weak, and pathetic, but I want to know why. You take a hand out of your pocket to run through your hair. "You needed to grow up Sho." I glare at you. Is that the best you could come up with? "I could have grown up with you there with me." "You wouldn't have been happy." "I wasn't happy! I would have been happier with you!" I growl out, trying to keep my voice down as to not wake Hana. You give me a look. One you have never directed at me before, but I know well. "How can you say that when you have a wife who cares for you and a beautiful daughter! You have a _life_ Sho. I could have never given you these things. A family." Your voice is as low and as dangerous as mine. You are no longer bouncing, but are standing firm, on a subject we have both obviously thought long about.

"Yes, I have a wife. And a daughter I would give the world for. But when that wasn't an option, not what I really wanted... I wanted YOU Kei. I thought we had clariffied that the day you left. Before you left me." I was livid. All the pent up emotions of all the years flowing freely for the first time. "Don't lie to me Sho!" Your voice on the verge of tears freezes me to the spot. I can see the pained look in your eyes, even as you feign annoyance. "I remember all the looks you and Yi-Che exchanged between eachother. I could see the connection - the love. I left so you would be happy... and have a life... with her... Once I was gone, I would no longer be a hinderance to you... I thought... Then I realized this... it was all so clear... once I left you..." I watch the tears falling from your eyes in silence. "Thats why I didn't come back..."

Im shocked. Is that what he thought, all thoes years...? "Kei..." I say softly. It all seems so clear now. Why we had been acting so distant with eachother before... It had all started when we met Yi-Che. "Is that what you thought? What you think?" I look you in the eyes, and you look tierd. You look away. I can see that this has haunted you as much as it has me. "Kei, Yi-Che... Yi-Che was like a sister to me... Yes she was pretty... Yes I liked her... But Kei - I _loved you_." You blink and turn your head to the side, looking at me again, as if contemplating the words that had just left my lips. I press on before you speak however, "I missed you Kei... I waited for you to return... Truthfully, Yi-Che was a rebound... When I knew you weren't coming back, I asked her to marry me. She still loves you Kei..."

You stand there, mouth slightly agape. I can tell you dont know what to say, so I say it for you in the simple action fo a hug. I hold you close to me, and close my eyes. "I still love you..." I whisper. I feel you hesitate disbelievingly before returning my embrace. "Sho..." you whisper. I just chuckle and call you stupid. I feel you smile against my neck, and I know all is right between us in this moment. You pull back to look at me, and I open my eyes to look at you, before closing them when you kiss me. I hold you tighter as I fear I'm dreaming, but your hands on my back and the softness of your hair in my hands tell me I'm not. I pull back and ask softly, "Will you come with me to see her?" You look at me with mild confusion, and I remember I forgot to tell you of Yi-Che's condition. I just say, "I'll explain on the way..."


	4. The final fight

**Part 4**

Kei:

When you told me you were going to kill Chan... When you told me I was to come with you... When you said, 'Let's have fun like before.' I didnt think it would be this Sho. Not like this. As we're walking side by side, I can tell something isn't right. My thoughts are confirmed as you say, "If I'm killed... Will you look after Hana?" I havent noticed we've stopped walking now. "Without me, Hana'll be an orphan. Just like me." I just stare at you. Sho... I havent let you die yet, and I'm not going to do so now. We've gone through so much to lose eachother now. I want to say something, to tell you to shut up or to stop being stupid, but you continue. "Am I pushy?" I want to say yes, but I know thats just the way you are. Instead I tell you, "I'll think about it." That seems a good enough answer for you because you continue walking. I follow of course.

We are soon confronted by Chan's men, and without hesitation, we fire. I jump to the side behind a pillar, but you haven't moved. I was right, wasn't I? You don't plan on living trhough this do you? "Take cover!" I yell at you, but you egnore me and continue to fire round after round, moving forward like a man on a mission. You are, I know. So I follow behind you, and I try my best to spot you like old times. "Look right!" I call. You don't look right, but one of your guns moves to the right, aimed at the mans throat. He looks at you, then you look at him. He aims his gun at you, but you push him back shouting. Are you angry Sho? Are you mad? You kill him, but I can tell you still arent satisfied.

You go to move on, about to draw another gun, but you're shot in the right arm. I look to see what's going on but I'm shot at aswell. I manage to see you get up and aim with your left gun at the man shooting, before you swing your right arm to fire aswell at another man. "Watch your right!" And as soon as I say it, you do it. We always made a good team Sho... I don't want it to be broken... I wont let it. "Do you want to die?" I call in anguish. I can't stand the thought of losing you - are you being so bold and reckless to prove a point? You don't have to prove anything Sho - not to me! Or are you doing this for yourself? Are you dissapointed with yourself?

I don't realize I've slowed down. "Spot me... like the old days." You shout at me. "Accurate directions!" I try my best - but there are so many. You soon take them down with my help though. The last of the men you do by yourself as I am temporarily driven backwards and away from you. When I come to find you, I hear you talking to someone. I recognise it as Son, and I confirm that as I round a few pillars and see you and him standing near eachother, guns drawn at your sides. You look at me when you hear me start to approach, but I stop a distance away by the last pillar before the open space you and Son enhabit. You look around you. What are you doing Sho?

I watch as you spot whatever it is you're looking for and painfully head over to the dead man that was a few feet behind you, by another pillar. You bend down slowly and pick up a machine gun. I can see that clearly from where I am, but why are you looking at me Sho? We lock eyes for a minute, and I can see the hesitation in your eyes... The pain... What are you thinking Sho? What are you planning? I don't even get a chance to ask you before you swing the machine gun up, aiming it at the roof above, letting of a string of fire. I didn't realize it was a glass skylight above us until the sunshine shines down around you and Son first, before you fire at the skylight above me. Im too busy watching you, captivated and curious, that the light that suddenly burns my skin takes me by suprise. I jump back scared out of my wits, but you're not satisfied with the distance between us. You keep fireing at the skylines above my head and all I can do is move back hurredly as more spots of light appear around me, forcing me further and further away from you.

Son gives you a quizzical look, but you egnore him until you are satisfied with the distance you've put beteen us. I am huddled up in a corner of darkness where I feel like a traped animal. My mind is racing and my heart aches. I pace the confines of the shade you've left me in, angry and scared. There is no way for me to get out without burning to a crisp. I look over at you and you're stairing up into the sky though the broken skylights. You're deep in thought, even when you look my way. Your eyes say you're sorry, but that isnt enough to satisfy me Sho. Not now after this.

The fright of being bathed in light mixed with the heat and pain of the seconds I was bathed in such golden rays, cause me to breath harshly and iregularly. "What are you doing?" I finally demand. My voice breaks slightly, but I don't care. Why did you just strand me like this? After you asked me to help you - after I thought we had cleared things up. You look at me, and the look you give me leaves me breathless. It's the one you gave me when you told me you loved me. But it's the last look you give me as you turn your back on me, and begin to walk away. "What's going on?" I cry in despiration. You don't give me an answer, as you chuck the machine gun down and leave with Son.

I dont know what to do, so I sit on a block of rubble. There is nothing I can do while the sun is still shining through the skylights, blocking my path. I run my hands through my hair and close my eyes. Sho... It seems like we are destined to keep eachother from eachother, even though we want to be together... I snort and bite my lip. My heart's beating wildly as I listen to the gun fire exchange between you. Don't die Sho... For Yi-Che... For Hana... For... me... I stand up and lean back against the cool concreat wall. Just standing here is killing me... and the sun has already encroached on my small sanctuary you made for me... I look down from the skylight I was gazing through to look in front of me. My eyes widen a little, as there are two young boys, one with a red tshirt, the other with a blue, in front of me. I could already tell what they were going to do, even before they whiped their guns out from behind their backs and fired.

My eyes widen more in shock and pain, as they fire round, after round, after round into my chest. Oh, this hurts like hell, and I feel my world spinning. I slowly feel myself slipping down the wall, and I crumple to the side with a groan. I can feel the blood flowing out of my wounds. I know my recovery will take a while after this, so I decide to play dead for a while. I listen as the two boy gloat over having killed me. Che - they wish... I wait for a while until they are done gloating over my 'death' and begin to walk away. I slowly, painfully, shift around reaching for the gun you gave me in one of my pockets. Basterds... They're in for it. They both turn as they hear me shuffle, but the boy in red turns back and heads back towards me. Thats fine by me, because once in range, I shoot him from the floor in the chest.

The other boy opens fire on me, but I dont care anymore. I've wasted too much time! I spring into a crouching position and half cry, half growl as I run from the shad into the burning light. I run in the direction I know you and Son are, but even after shooting the boy in blue, he still makes a grab for me as I try and pass. The light is killing me - I have to get to you - and I cant take much more of this. "Let me go!" I scream, pushing him off me and scrabling to get into a more shaded area. I fire at the boy like a maniac. I guess I am, because all I can think of is you Sho. But however, seeing all the blood around me calls me, and I just look at the dead boy, more out of hunger than anything else. No - I shouldnt be wasting anymore time. I quickly turn and run to find you.

Sho:

It's a stand off between me and Son... life and death... and I know, I'm not going to win... "I've got one left." I confess. My last bullet. Son nods, "Same here." Well that's a relief I suppose... There's always a chance the gun will jam - or an even slighter one that he'll miss... At least can stop our pointless shooting, wasting bullets - no matter if it was a bit of fun... We look at each other - knowing that it is finally coming to an end. "Let's draw..." Son says. "The survivor looks after the families. Okay?" Well that does me really... It is a fair trade... We are all family after all... But... I would feel happier if Kei looked after them... I hope he really does think about it... Although I know Kei... ... Kei... "On the count of three?" I ask. We lower our guns. I can see the hesitation in your eyes, as Im sure you can see it in mine too. We both start to laugh, sadly, looking around us a little. Taking in what might be the last sights in our lives.

"So simple." Son chuckles. "So simple." I reply, giving you a look that shows I'm serious now. I don't want to drag this on... This is deal between us has been far too painful for too long... "I think it suits us." I say. And it's ture. Even through all the complications in our lifes, we tried to keep things simple. And now, it boils down to this. One on one - One bullet each. I smile a little and Son smiles too. But soon things are back to serious as we get ready to fire our last shots. I look at the ground, listening to the silence around us as we stand fixed on our spots. After a moment I slowly look up at Son, and begin our final countdown. "One..." He hesitates a moment before counting, "Two..." Another moment of silence between us, before the final cry. "Three!"

I watch and hear him fire in slow motion, but my finger doesnt even twitch on my trigger. I try not to cry out, flinch or move from my pose as I feel the bullet enter and exit my chest. I know he's won, and he realises it too as we look at each other. I can see the disbelife in his eyes. He knows I did't hit him - he knows I didnt even squeeze the trigger. I look down to look at the wound in my chest. I feel dizzy now, the pain and the spasuming of my heart causing me to become weak. My knees begin to buckle from underneath me causing me to fall hard to the ground beneath me... They say you see your whole life before you die... And it's true. I can see my whole life now - and everything becomes clear and simple in my eyes.

I hear you walk towards me Son, and I know you're shocked that I'm down. But dont feel sorry for me... or remorse... This is how it was meant to be... I open my eyes bearly and see you come into my hazy view. My body is twitching of its own accord, and you're looking down at me in shock. "You didn't fire." I hear the accusation clearly. I try and steady my gasping breaths, as I focus with my eyes. I slowly, numbly lift my hand up and do our little photo sign, stating weakly, "Of course I did." I lied as I swallow the blood forming in my mouth. It tastes horrible, and I wonder how Kei drinks it... Kei... My hand slowly falls accross my chest in final defeat. I feel weak and tierd... I just want to sleep... But I dont get a chance as I hear footsteps approach the clearing hurredly. Suddenly they stop. I try and will my head to turn, and it takes so much effort to do so. Oh Kei... I see the look on your face... I didnt want you to see this... not this... Forgive me Kei... I'm so sorry...


	5. Sleeping and Waking

Part 5

**Part 5**

Kei:

I run as fast as I can, trying to find Sho, and that's when I hear it. After all the silence, I hear a single gunshot. I head towards it fast, and soon find myself in a clearing, with Son standing over Sho's body. I don't know what to say at first - I'm shocked, angry, scared, and so much more. I watch as Sho slowly turns his head to face me. I take in his form... his condition... He's prone on his back... He's dying... I look at Son, who looks guilty. "How could you...?" I demand, somewhat a clam contrast to the many emotions I feel at this moment. Son looks at me, sorrow in his eyes. But this doesn't quench the pain and anger I feel. He tried to take MY SHO from me!! He says sadly, "This is our destiny." before aiming his gun slowly at me. Screw destiny! I shoot him fast, repeatedly in the chest, enjoying some form of revenge.

Son's face scrunches in pain before he falls to the ground dead. I stand there still, as the reality of everything sinks in. This was our destiny? For love to never be together? For there to never be peace? I drop my gun to the floor, and look over at Sho. Oh God Sho... I'm frozen to the spot, and I don't know why... no... I do... The fragile human I dared to love is now dying in a disused building... The boy I knew... Cared for... raised... loved... Now dying... Why does everyone I dare to care for die? My old friends and family are dead... Luka is dead... My new friends are dead... And now... Sho... Why does reality suck? Why cant I be happy for once? I look up to the sky, remembering the time we all had our photo done on the beach... How close we all were... I remember some talks we had... and the soft innocent touches between good friends... Sho... The times we all met... the laughs... and now... how soon that quickly got taken away from us...

But yet, I remember most of all, the little boy whom was never afraid of me, or what I was... And loved me for me... I blink out of memories as I hear you struggling to breath... choking occasionally on your own blood as you try to swallow. I slowly, hesitantly make my way over to you... Oh Sho.. I want to cry, seeing you like this... I prayed the day would never come... I wished I'd never be around to see this day... My heart breaks tenfold as I reach your side. "Sho?" I ask kneeling down. "What happened?" I lift you slightly by your shoulders so I can cradle your bloodied form in my arms. "Sho?" my voice cracks, and I flinch as tears sting my eyes. I place my hand over yours on your wound in a futile attempt to stop it. You only choke and spit out blood in an answer. I whimper and try harder to stop your bleeding by putting more pressure on it.

"Everyone's gone..." you say, eyes staring blankly ahead. "What do you mean?" I ask. Aren't I here Sho? Don't I mean something to you anymore? I look over your body - I can sense you're dying as you cough more, spasming. I move my hand a little and you barely manage to remind me, "Don't forget our promise." I hold you closer, as your body begins to convulse. I can feel you're life slipping as I tuck your head under my chin. You reach out with your hand blindly past my head. "Sho, Don't die!" I demand. I don't want to lose you - there is so much left unsaid. "Sho!!" I growl out in a sob taking your outstretched hand in mine. "Stay with me!" I plea. Please don't leave me alone Sho. Please...

Your body stills under mine. "Don't leave!" I squeal. I ignore the sun that now burns my back, all I care about is you, so I do the last thing I thought I'd ever do... Crying I shift your head to the side and bare my teeth. Call it stubbornness... Call it love... Call it what you will, but I wont let you go without a fight. "Forgive me Sho..." I lean down and sink my teeth into your still warm flesh of your neck. Your body twitches a little as I drink your blood. I know Im cutting it fine to do this but still I have to try... I close my eyes to block out the gurgling sounds you make. You're blood is sweet - the sweetest I have ever tasted... And I wonder if it is only because I deemed it forbidden for me to have... or if it really is sweet.

I bring myself back to reality as I feel your body cooling beneath mine. I quickly stop and pull back panting. I quickly bite the side of my hand and squeeze my blood into your mouth. I make sure you swallow it before I grab you, dragging you out of the sun with me. My back was smouldering enough, I didn't want to die before I got a chance to talk to you again... If this works... You lie in the dirt next to me, lifeless... And I wonder if I was too late. I think of what Luka had once told me. 'You were dead 3 days before you turned.' Hurry Sho... Because I don't think I can wait that long without you...

I wait until night before I lift your body and bring you back to our old apartment. I don't take anything in, except the fact that it looked like it hadn't changed. I barely manage to make it to the bedroom and place you on your bed before I collapse on the floor. I'm so exhausted, so I give in and close my eyes for some rest - and hope that when I wake, you'll be right there looking down at me... Smiling...

Sho:

Am I dead? Is this heaven? I can't bring myself to open my eyes to find out, so I stay where I am, as I am. I can tell I'm on a bed... and for some reason - it feels and smells faintly familiar. Smell... I know that smell. How could I ever possibly forget it. Kei. I clench my fists in the old fabric of the bed sheets. Why. I lie quietly listening - and I can hear soft breathing to the side of me. A soft rhythm indicating that whoever is beside me is asleep. And that one person would only be you Kei. I clench my fists tighter as I am suddenly assaulted by dull and painful aches in my chest - overwhelmed by feelings which all concern you. Love, joy, fear, anguish and most strong of all - hate. How could you do this. how could you do this to me!!

I snap my eyes open - unable to take the darkness anymore, unable to contend with the swirl of my thoughts. I sit up and instantly regret it as my head throbs and I feel light headed. The suddenness of my movement has you awake and alert. I focus my eyes on you and I watch as your initial delight turns to one of remorse upon seeing my look. You don't say anything - you just look at me, studying me with those soft eyes of yours. However, I need answers and I want them now.

"Why..." I ground out in a rough voice. That simple question asks so much. Why did you turn me? Why didn't you let me die? Why couldn't you just let go? Why do you still love me? Why why why!! You look as if you're about to say something, but you seem to change your mind. Your look is begging me to understand - but what is there to understand?! I'm confused by you - the man who still some how holds my heart in his hand. This very fact angers me more right in this moment. I lash out in an instant and sock you hard in the jaw which knocks you off your chair. You didn't even try and defend yourself - like you knew it was coming.

I'm on my feet in an instant - senses heightened more than I ever thought possible and jaw tightly clenched. "Get up Kei." I growl. Slowly, you do as I demand - only to have me hit you once more. The hit sends you reeling back into the wall, and I watch as blood now makes a trail down your chin from your split lip. I am more enraged that you are not defending yourself - not even a single word comes out of your mouth. If I killed you right now - would you even care? The smell of blood finally assaults my nostrils and I feel a hunger I've never felt before. A sense of horror and dread settles over me as I lower my fist. Hana. Who's going to look after Hana now that I am dead... I can't look after her... Not like this...

I look down at my hands then back at you. I feel the anger within me bubbling once again - but I refuse to let it go. "Look after Hana." I demand sharply. This catches you by surprise and you eyes instantly lock with mine. "Sho..." My name from your lips still sends shivers down my spine - and I hate myself more for it. "It's not a request - You owe it to her for taking her father away." Any further protest dies from your lips as you just nod minutely. That is good enough for me. I look around, locating my gun with ease before heading to a window to check if it's dark. To my mild relief it is - so I head to the door to leave.

Casting one look back at you, dishevelled hair, piercing eyes, small but agile frame, hands in pockets and a look which says nothing yet says it all... I know Hana is in the best of hands. I walk out the door without further hesitation.


	6. Maybe is to regret

**Part 6**

Kei:

Time has come and time has gone... Hana has grown up to be a beautiful and talented young lady... Just like her mother... and more so like her father... We're at the park we habitually frequent... It's night time - and the weather is perfect - not too hot and certainly not too cold, with just a little breeze to keep the perfect balance. I watch Hana from a bench under a tree as she looks at her mother's memorial work that she restored. Beside me I have a bouquet of flowers to give her. She's grown up so much - and learned a whole lot more, it's time for her to move on. She will be going to University in the morning - which means I will be on my own again.. And all I have of Sho will be gone... For now anyway. I know Hana will visit me. Or write. She promises to write. She calls my name and draws my attention back to her.

Sho:

I watch Hana leave for her apartment and I smile. She'll be going to University in the morning... You really have done a good job... like I knew you would. I feel a pang of regret as I think back to the moment I demanded you look after her. Maybe I should have stuck around with you... Maybe I could have done something different... The world is full of maybes... And maybes lead to more regret. I think we've both had enough regret... Don't you think?

I walk into the clearing and it doesn't take much for you to notice my presence. You are unsure of how to greet me - but I can see the excitement in your eyes, even though your body doesn't reflect it. I offer you a small smile - and greet you like old times. You smile a most brilliant smile and return the gesture. We stand watching each other for what seems like an eternity, but you break it with a quiet sigh. "I'm tired Sho..." you admit finally. I know those words and it brings back a painfully feeling to my chest. "Let's go watch the sunrise." I offer as a suggestion. "Aa." You reply with a soft exclamation.

Kei:

As we sit in your car on a cliff overlooking the sea with a perfect view of the impending sunrise, I take a moment to reflect on my vampire life. More so - on the life I've shared with you. We've had many ups and downs - and many good and bad times together. But the most important thing is - they've always been together. I take a puff of my cigarette and cast a glance at you as I blow out the smoke leisurely - acting as if I had all the time in the world. I'm scared... But I know this is my time... Our time... And I don't want to enter oblivion knowing I wasted our last moments together by not giving you the answers you've always wanted. Why...

"I was afraid..." I breath softly which startles you into looking at me. I purposefully don't look at you or else I may not have the strength to say all that I want. "I was afraid of losing you..." "Kei-" You begin to interrupt but I press on firmly. "You were everything Sho... With you gone..." I take a moment to look at you. "Maybe I should have stayed on the shore with Luka... Maybe I should have died in the ware house... Or in prison... Maybe I -"

Sho:

I cut you off with a long overdue kiss. I don't want you to finish that sentence. I don't want you regretting staying alive for me - or for keeping me alive long enough to see Hana grow up into a you woman. I pull back to let us breath and to let things sink in. I had a lot of time to think - to regret, and to understand. I understand why you kept me in this world, and I hope you understand why I keep coming back to you. You gave up so much for me over the years... And there I had been - denying you one thing... A friend... A companion... But not any longer Kei...

"The world is full of maybes and regrets... I don't want us to ever regret what we were, what we are - and what we mean to each other..." You look at me in surprise and wonder. And deep in your eyes, despite the tiredness - I see hope. "I'm tired." I offer. I don't miss the look in your eyes as you tentatively suggest, "Let's go home." "Aa." I answer. We have so much left to say to each other - it would be pointless if we ended things now. As I start the car to begin the drive back to our old flat, I can't help the old sense of teasing which comes over me. "Maybe I should have kissed you sooner." You laugh loudly saying, "Maybe you should kiss me now?!" I do.

**Author's Note:** FINALLY finished!! I'm so sorry it's taken so long! Thanks to all those who've read and reviewed - and have stuck with it until the end! xxx


End file.
